Dating Someone With A Love Avoidant Personality Disorder

You can dive here into a more in-depth look at treatment for avoidant personality disorder. Consider, though, that mental health professionals specialize in compassionate care that meets you where you are. They understand you didn’t choose to have a personality disorder. Over time, avoidant personality disorder can begin to have a deep impact on your day-to-day experience if not managed. Clinicians also may observe how those being screened for avoidant personality disorder respond to them directly. Sometimes folks will show avoidant or extremely acquiescent reactions in assessment or therapy.

How to improve your relationship with your partner

Dr. Durvasula asserts there may “always be some sense of doubt” in your partner. If you find that you are preoccupied with fixing, controlling, or rescuing your partner, this can lead to other issues like resentment. There may be a part of you that believes you can love your partner enough that they start to believe in themselves. It’s ensuring you get enough sleep since a lack of sleep intensifies emotions and leads to relationship conflict.


People with avoidant personality disorder or avoidant attachment style may come across as cold or withholding, when—in fact—they’re trying to protect themselves. Having an avoidant attachment style may often go hand-in-hand with living with avoidant personality disorder. Narcissism is a personality disorder, while the avoidant attachment style is one of four attachment styles that we learned growing up in response to our relationships with our earliest caregivers. Yet there are men and women who could make a relationship with an avoidant personality work. Those who could live at least somewhat contentedly with an avoidant personality are those who do not want or need a high level of emotional intimacy with their romantic partner.

Social phobia, in which a person experiences overwhelming anxiety and self-consciousness in common social situations. People with this type of attachment style fear being abandoned. This last attachment style occurs in people who responded to a lack of bonding by becoming fearful of future bonds. People with this style of attachment have a hard time being open with others. They often reject emotional overtures from loved ones or potential partners. People with narcissistic personality disorder have an inflated opinion of themselves.

Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to allow you to relax into life and regain the ability to have fun, be spontaneous, and have deep connections with other people. The road to a diagnosis may begin with your primary care physician. There, your provider may choose to rule out an underlying cause of your symptoms by performing a physical exam and ordering lab tests. From there, you may be referred to a mental health professional who will use the criteria from the DSM-5 to make an assessment, says Lopez.

Related to Mental Health

Someone might think they don’t deserve their success and doubt their abilities or skills, Johnson says. is a website domain of, LLC, a privately-owned non-government website. does not guarantee the quality of care provided, or the results to be achieved, by any mental health care service or provider you might find through us. Exposure therapy – placing patients in situations that trigger their AVPD, clients are encouraged to address their triggers in manufactured scenarios. This can enable them to develop new ways to emotionally process, habituate and generally cope better with the scenarios they fear .

Avoidant attachment vs. avoidant personality

But simply knowing this is not enough to make the self-consciousness go away. The hyper-critical views that people with AVPD have of themselves expand beyond their behavior in social situations. Often, avoidants will perceive criticism and negative feedback where there is none at all, and find it difficult or impossible to recover from the perceived blows to their self-worth. Many people with AVPD describe going long stretches of time without contact with even close family members and loved ones. If you’ve read this far, you clearly care about the person you’re dating.

Did they love you in a strange way, often equating “separateness” or “independence” with love or strength? About 5.2% of the US adult population is affected by avoidant personality disorder and almost every contributor in the comments sectionclaimed to have experienced a relationship with avoidant characteristics. This article will explore avoidant personalities and offer tips on how to cope with an avoidant personality. Given the common history of abuse for those who develop avoidant personality disorder, it’s natural to wonder if avoidant romantic partners are more likely to be abusive. Fundamentally, avoidant personality disorder stems from childhood trauma. Neglect, emotional abuse, and enmeshment are common in individuals who develop AVPD.

Those with avoidant personality, whether male or female, often experience relationships as stressful and emotionally draining. These individuals have developed a life approach that is based on self-reliance . Borderline personality disorder is a complex, multilayered condition that’s as difficult to diagnose as it is to treat. People with BPD fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing.

It could be triggered by an instance of rejection or abandonment. AVPD often presents alongside other mental health conditions, such as depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, anxiety disorder, social phobia or an additional personality disorder. A personality disorder is a type of mental disorder in which you have a rigid and unhealthy pattern of thinking, functioning and behaving. A person with a personality disorder has trouble perceiving and relating to situations and people. This causes significant problems and limitations in relationships, social activities, work and school.

Personality disorders are thought to be caused by a combination of these genetic and environmental influences. Your genes may make you vulnerable to developing a personality disorder, and a life situation may trigger the actual development. Your partner isn’t deliberately trying to hurt you or your relationship. Often, they’re internally critical, blaming themselves and not you. This is part of living with a mental health condition like BPD.

I once had a teen client who would push every button she could think to push on me until she began to believe that perhaps I was on her side after all. If you want to have a healthy, close relationship with your avoidant partner, you need to practice a lot of empathy and patience as well. By remaining committed to sharing your concerns, you support your partner in learning that misunderstandings or upset feelings are not inherently rejection. It can also contribute to a cycle in which you are critical and your partner feels increasingly wrong.

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